I cut my hair this past weekend and I think I lost a part of me that I really want back. It felt something like this:
1. See email and think, "if I don't respond now, I will never respond so I must respond but I'm just not going to right now. I can overcome the fact that I will not respond." I don't respond.
2. Begin to fall asleep on the couch at night knowing that if I don't pull myself up off that couch now I will morph into a semi-conscious wolverine that ferociously attacks any who tries to wake me. I know this will happen, but I am just going to convince myself that I can will myself to not. But I do. Always.
3. Think cutting my hair would be a good idea because of all those times I had short hair and actually liked it. Except I didn't always like it and I always longed for the day when I could have long hair. And then I did have long hair. And then I cut it. And then I cried.
I am essentially saying that my worth and being is wrapped up into my hair length and honestly, I'm ok with that. Unfortunately I do not work in an office that warms to baseball hats or any other headwear.
The great satisfaction is knowing my hair will grow back. The great fear is knowing I will then cut it again... and hate it.
**Covenant friends, remember the mullet of '02?