Monday, May 11, 2009

because I am wrapped up in apperance.

I cut my hair this past weekend and I think I lost a part of me that I really want back. It felt something like this:

1. See email and think, "if I don't respond now, I will never respond so I must respond but I'm just not going to right now. I can overcome the fact that I will not respond." I don't respond.

2. Begin to fall asleep on the couch at night knowing that if I don't pull myself up off that couch now I will morph into a semi-conscious wolverine that ferociously attacks any who tries to wake me. I know this will happen, but I am just going to convince myself that I can will myself to not. But I do. Always.

3. Think cutting my hair would be a good idea because of all those times I had short hair and actually liked it. Except I didn't always like it and I always longed for the day when I could have long hair. And then I did have long hair. And then I cut it. And then I cried.

I am essentially saying that my worth and being is wrapped up into my hair length and honestly, I'm ok with that. Unfortunately I do not work in an office that warms to baseball hats or any other headwear.

The great satisfaction is knowing my hair will grow back. The great fear is knowing I will then cut it again... and hate it.

**Covenant friends, remember the mullet of '02?


mom said...

I love your hair and I haven't even seen it!! love, mom

Mama Hutch said...

Your hair looks great! And it still looks long...even if it doesn't seem long to you!

The Lucht family said...

This my friend, is the story of my life.

april said...

mullet of '02? do post pictures please to job my memory. (pictures past and present btw)

KT said...

The mullet time would have been when I was Covenant..trying to picture it but can't (a picture refresh would be fab). And I feel you- cutting and growing hair is the most stressful part of my life...well sort of :) xoxo

Rebecca said...

Feel your pain, darlin. It's like living haircut to haircut..