Thursday, September 11, 2008

10 million strong... and growing

Jordan is sitting on the couch eating the bread we made this week. After tasting the potato bread he gave me one the best cooking/baking compliment I've received, "This is communion good". Yes it is.

We deflowered our gym-selves tonight. I would love to say it was beautiful but it was more awkward than enjoyable. With our membership we receive 60 minutes with a personal trainer. I met Marlina and we instantly connected. She drilled off her questions about my body and my health. As I sat there answering I felt the awkward stares from all the blue in the room. I mean there were more TRAINERS than not. They were sizing me up, judging and predicting my failure. I felt that all the way through the questions.

"What do you dislike about your body... How would you change it... What are your problem areas"

Easy questions, I suppose, but my lack of confidence, the fact I am sitting on top of my neighbor and surrounded by blue I was frazzled. I barely answered her questions. I asked to skip the "Where do you get your amino acids" questions because quite frankly, I don't know/care what amino acids are. Doubt me? You're reading from a girl who entered Covenant College not knowing who Martin Luther was and almost wrote her application essay on Martin Luther King, Jr. instead. Ya. So when Trainer asked about my body I stuttered, "Hollywood Body". I tried to trail off because I immediately knew how stupid, shallow and il-said it was. Sweet Trainer asked me to repeat and then wrote it down, circled it, and underlined. "I haven't heard that one before" And it was at that moment that I knew she would share the absurd comment to the other blue around us and I would be laughed at, mocked, and in the future sized up for my failure to become emaciated. We all long to be emaciated, right?

It just went downhill from there. She asked about my diet and what vitamins I took. I sort of trailed off and saw my mom and she was standing in the kitchen with a large glass of water. She then turned into a large GNC bottle of women's complete vitamins. Mom always asks me if I am taking my vitamins. I'm like a broken record. I think the daydream would have hit me more if she turned into a flinstone vitamin. The grape one.

So when I came back it was to a Trainer who was rejecting my diet. I don't eat what I should be eating. Who snacks on steamed vegtables? I don't eat fish. I need to eat fish? I have a bowl of cereal every night before bed. I'm not supposed to eat Cinamon Toasties at 11:45pm? I don't get that whole metabolism thing. And we just made a Sam's run 2 weeks ago so I will not be pitching the 6 bags of WHITE english muffins for whole wheat. The Toasties will stay.

I weighed in and she then took me into a semi-private room to measure. Nice. Then it was off to the treadmill for the most humiliating walk-run. I honestly didn't listen to her direction and when she walked away I just chatted away with the woman next to me. I felt the eyes of the treadmillers behind me watching. I found soccer on my mini-screen. I kept thinking, "I used to do that... you know run after a ball" and I was in shapeish then. Now I am walking-running for 4 minutes and I want to go home and eat my cereal. But the Trainer is back. She is telling me that I didn't do what she said. So I'm running now, sprinting for 30 seconds. She counted slowly, even though there is a timer in front of me. I walk and then sprint again. We walked downstairs and at that moment I remembered when Ashley would train me at Covenant. I could barely bench the bar. It was 6 in the morning. Trainer didn't believe me when I said I couldn't do a real push up. Trainer told me I couldn't stop at 7 when she asked for 15 on the jump-thing. Trainer said I have weak muscles. Really? Huh. Trainer actually made me finish the workout before we went upstairs.

So here I sit. Toby is licking my arm because of this rare scent. Dry sweat. He likes to lick. My arms are cemented to my hips. I am tired.

We did a 12 month committment and with our recent *get serious* we won't waste. Waste not, want not. I mean, I can't get my hollywood body unless I go.


april said...

the complimentary way you talk about yourself is killing me. i mean, could you be any more pompous? :D i just guffawed/laughed out loud here at work. i think i even sprayed some spit in the process. oops

april said...

yes i know what you mean! when the weather feels like i fall it reminds me of volleyball season. can you believe it'll be 5 years since we did all that?

lydia said...

oh my! you are too funny! the whole not knowing Martin Luther thing..... you're a trip! I don't think I could ever picture you not in shape, but you paint a pretty picture :)

Craver said...

So, I find myself reading your every post. I have even added a link on my blog and then it hits me, I don't have your email address. Therefore I haven't included you on any mass email about my blog or the birth of our child. Yes,its been just over a year since you left Charlotte, just enough time to have a 3 month old baby. Thanks for writing your blog and keeping me laughing as I sit at home waiting for the baby to wake up from his 4 naps a day. You can see him at And tell Jordan we said Hey. - Misti