Thursday, August 16, 2007

white picket fence

As I was sitting down to write, I licked my thumb thinking it was leftover chocolate from my delicious cookies... sad thing is, it was leftover soil from re-potting my plant just before I ate my cookie. Yuck, gross! Moral of the story 1: wash your hands. Moral of the story 2: don't lick your hands, that's just disgusting.

Today we super-suburbanized ourselves. It was one of those bittersweet moments. We not only set up a landline but we also got a home security system. There have been just too many Law and Orders that I have watched and let's be honest, I am my mother's daughter, my sister's sister and my grandmother's granddaughter. If anything horrible, terrible, no good, very bad thing is going to happen, it will happen to me. I'm just proud of the fact that I have made it over 2 years living without one. Surprisingly, I'm still alive. But not in this crime-ridden town- whatever. I dare you to break into this home. I triple-dog-dare you.

In honor of this momentous occasion, I am re-posting an email I sent to my dear friend Julianne the morning after a harrowing night in Charlotte. By the grace of God above I survived, emotionally, and was able to reiterate the events that occurred. Readers beware.

So, I have to tell you about my night last night… it started with Saturday night and an email from Jordan's boss informing him of the mandatory "emergency" meeting Sunday night at 8:30 . So I'm immediately thinking, "crap I have to be home alone…" and I hate being home alone- especially in a big house! Too many Law and Order episodes telling me how someone will come into my home and will harm me in some way. But I am also thinking that if I just stay home and don't go out and come back, I'll be ok. So that's my plan. Why I obsess over these situations is beyond me, but I suddenly feel my sense of safety and security backing away when I know Jordan will be gone during the evening. Well right when I get comfortable with staying home. Allen Tate calls and schedules a showing at 7:00pm Sunday night- crap! So I decide to be an adult and go out while the house is being shown, and come home. So I go to Target, then Rebecca's. And around 9:30 I leave her house to come home. I get there, "It will be alright…" and as I go to unlock the door I realize it is unlocked. And I come inside and realize the back door is unlocked, and the garage door is unlocked…every freaking door is unlocked. Every door- and it has happened one other time, where we come home after it is shown and a door is left unlocked. But I mean really, late at night? So I open every closet, look under every bed and couch- I dare not go upstairs. I'll just stay downstairs where I have easy access to the door in case someone is in the house- which I might add is not only a possibility but a reality. I don't want to turn on the TV because then I won't hear him sneak down the second stairway, so I go to get on the internet. But the internet isn't up… "connection error". I'm wondering if our phone has been cut too… so I get up and go to the kitchen to get the largest CUTCO knife we have, and I place it by my side and sit there in silence. I can't believe this consumes me so much, but it does. Finally I convince myself I heard something and someone upstairs so I jet out the door to my car. I mean it is 10:45 now, Jordan should be calling anytime now to tell me that he's on his way home, right? Well, how about I drive all through our neighborhood thinking of how their doors weren't unlocked when they came home and they are safe inside in numbers. Then after I'm tired of driving around the neighborhood I think, "I'll go to where Jordan works… " Surely he won't be there because it is now 11:15 and the meeting must be over. So when I return home after this drive, he'll be there! So I drive to Carmel and low and behold, all the lights in his freaking office are on and they are still working. So I park in the back corner, finally feeling safe. Jordan is nearby and I still have my CUTCO knife with me. I get my sweatshirt and lay my head down, and I get a text message… "it will be another 2 hours or so". What the crap- I mean really, on a Sunday night? At that point I realize that not only am I being completely ridiculous, but I have no reason for feeling so fearful. God is so much bigger than this… and He will protect me. So I drive home, praying the whole way. And I'm calm, suddenly I am completely calm. I get inside, I turn off all the lights the house possibly has (because I had previously turned on EVERY light), and I go upstairs. You remember which bedroom we stay in—so I go into the other one, leave the light on and lock the door shut. I then go into the bathroom, and lock it and I lock my bedroom. I turn the TV on and watch the Cosby show… and what followed was the worst night sleep ever. No, the second worst night sleep- the first being when we took the train from Rome to Nice and didn't get a sleeper car. That was far worse than last night, but last night was still pretty bad. I'm tossing and turning… Jordan has not called and it is now 2:00am . Surely he will be home soon. I text him, no response. I lay there, hungry but too scared to leave my room. I can't sleep. And it is 2:30am . I have now convinced myself that Jordan is laying dead in a ditch. The guys all left the office hours ago and he is alone and cold somewhere… he text messages me at 3:00am , and he is safe at work. Still working! The next several hours are spent trying to sleep, but not being able to. Finally at around 4:15 he calls and is standing outside the bedroom door, unable to get in because I have locked it. He is home, finally, and I can sleep.


Alina said...

Funny stuff! I enjoy your writing! I especially like the image of you licking a foreign substance off your thumb...Thanks for sharing your lessons learned on that one!

kurtjuliannehalvorson said...

Suzanne, I'm cracking up, I LOVE that story. I hate being home alone. It's such a mental battle, trying to convince myself that I will be okay...and that no one else knows that I'm home alone. ridiculous.

Enjoy your new security system. I never set ours because I'm always worried that there will be a false alarm...and it'll scare the living daylights out of me. But that fact that we have the stickers on the windows makes me feel safe. haha.

Hope things are going well in St. Louis....enjoying your new little home. It's precious. Send more pictures!

Suzanne said...

oh, stickers... they didn't leave stickers. I do have a big-a sign in the front yard though. it has blinking lights and speaks.

are you coming down this month? i hope to see you soon!